I've been super DUPER crazed this week. Not that I have been angry - or not more than normal, but I've been truly sad. I get this high one day, and the next day I feel like throwing myself off a cliff. I cried until 5 in the morning the other day. FIVE!!!!
I have been seeing a lot of fellow LB YouTubers talk about the same thing, and I was like ok. I didn't particularly think about me. I didn't think it pertained to me. I mean even at my highest weight, I was ok with my life. I was content, and now that I have lost 29 pounds, you would think that I feel good about myself. WRONG! I feel like I should be losing weight faster. I keep thinking that even if I lose 100 lb I will still be considered fat in society.
Whats even sadder is that I keep on thinking about a boy when I know that I shouldn't. There is a lot of back story behind it, like every story right, but I will not go into that. I think about myself and my outer appearance and what the opposite sex thinks. maybe its because I have been single for the past year and a half. Maybe its because I don't know if I would date myself.
I should be thinking otherwise since I HAVE had relationships at this weight. There is nothing stopping me from having a boyfriend except for myself.
Alas, I stemmed out into a whole other tangent. What my main concern is THAT boy. Its stupid I know. I haven't even heard from him in a while. I mean of course I think of him, but I don't think of him and cry about it DAILY like I have. Its sick. SICK!
This sudden depression-like behavior is dumb, and I need to kick it in the face.
I have been seeing a lot of fellow LB YouTubers talk about the same thing, and I was like ok. I didn't particularly think about me. I didn't think it pertained to me. I mean even at my highest weight, I was ok with my life. I was content, and now that I have lost 29 pounds, you would think that I feel good about myself. WRONG! I feel like I should be losing weight faster. I keep thinking that even if I lose 100 lb I will still be considered fat in society.
Whats even sadder is that I keep on thinking about a boy when I know that I shouldn't. There is a lot of back story behind it, like every story right, but I will not go into that. I think about myself and my outer appearance and what the opposite sex thinks. maybe its because I have been single for the past year and a half. Maybe its because I don't know if I would date myself.
I should be thinking otherwise since I HAVE had relationships at this weight. There is nothing stopping me from having a boyfriend except for myself.
Alas, I stemmed out into a whole other tangent. What my main concern is THAT boy. Its stupid I know. I haven't even heard from him in a while. I mean of course I think of him, but I don't think of him and cry about it DAILY like I have. Its sick. SICK!
This sudden depression-like behavior is dumb, and I need to kick it in the face.
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